Quotes / "Walterisms"

66 quotes

WALTER: (When Olivia first sees Walter at St. Claire's) I knew someone would come ... eventually.
- 1x01 Pilot

WALTER: They have this horrible ... pudding here. Butterscotch pudding on Mondays, it's dreadful.
OLIVIA: It's Thursday.
WALTER: Oh!? Fantastic news.
- 1x01 Pilot

WALTER TO PETER (when he first sees Peter at St. Claire's): I thought you'd be fatter.
- 1x01 Pilot

Oh! I just pissed myself. Just a squirt.
- 1x01 Pilot

(When Walter first goes into his old lab.) So much happened here. So much is about to.
- 1x01 Pilot

The only thing better than a cow is a human! Unless you need milk. Then you really need a cow.
- 1x01 Pilot

Excellent! Let's make some LSD!
- 1x01 Pilot

WALTER TO OLIVIA: Listen, in case you don't come back, I'd just like to say before we do this how much I appreciate what you've done. There are so many things you lose in a place like that. You lose being trusted. Strange how important that is once it's gone.
- 1x01 Pilot

(While watching Sponge Bob Squarepants with Astrid & Peter) This is a show for children? Surprisingly profound for a narrative about a sponge.
- 1x01 Pilot

WALTER TO PETER: When this is over, please don't send me back. I don't want to go back. This experience, you woke me up again and you can't put me back to sleep. Whatever punishment you think I deserve, I swear I have already endured it. Seventeen years. Please, son.
- 1x01 Pilot

(Regarding his discovery of the seat warmers in the car) I've never seen a feature like this before. It warms your ass. It's wonderful! Have you tried it?
- 1x02 The Same Old Story

WALTER TO PETER: 92% of caucasians born have blue eyes. Yours were green.
- 1x02 The Same Old Story

PETER: So, then what's this wonderful news?
WALTER: I've remembered something else. I remembered where I parked my car.
PETER: Really? You remembered where you parked your car seventeen years ago?
- 1x02 The Same Old Story

WALTER TO PETER & OLIVIA: Even condoms are not 100% effective. You two should be aware of this.
- 1x02 The Same Old Story

WALTER TO PETER: I thought you had a way with women?
- 1x02 The Same Old Story

Please. The term "on your mind" vexes me with its depictive inaccuracy.
- 1x02 The Same Old Story

Faith. Never a bad thing to have.
- 1x02 The Same Old Story

WALTER: It's one of the inherit pitfalls of being a scientist. trying to maintain that distinction between God's domain and our own. Sometimes I forget myself but then you already know that.
OLIVIA: What do you mean?
WALTER: If you've read my file then you know the truth about Peter's medical history. I've been meaning to ask you...
OLIVIA: Walter, there was no mention of any medical history. Just his birthday.
WALTER: Oh, I was going to ask you to keep it between just the two of us but I suppose there's no need.
- 1x02 The Same Old Story

PETER: You brought your own sweetener?
WALTER: Don't be ridiculous. It's my medication.
PETER: You're not on any medication, Walter.
WALTER: Of course I am. I've been making it myself in the lab.
PETER: Oh, I wish you were joking. You're self medicating with home-made drugs?
WALTER: Simple combination of ...
PETER: Those are psychotics, Walter. All of them.
WALTER: Of course they are. That's the point. I have been in a mental facility for the past seventeen years, it's put me quite out of balance.
- 1x03 The Ghost Network

WALTER: There was something important ... Oh! I've decided on the pancakes. Blueberry.
PETER: That's great Walter. Did somebody call me on the phone?
WALTER: Oh, that's what was important. Something about a bus.
- 1x03 The Ghost Network

BROYLES: I have a hard time accepting that that man is hearing another person's thoughts.
WALTER: So do I, which is why I would like to prove it.
BROYLES: And how would you do that?
WALTER: Am I required to keep him alive?
OLIVIA: That would probably be best.
- 1x03 The Ghost Network

I believe, with proper demodulation, you could receive satellite television for free.
- 1x03 The Ghost Network

PETER: What formula are you rattling off at three o'clock in the morning?
WALTER: The formula for root beer. I haven't had it for ages. I thought I might make some in the lab tomorrow.A root beer float. Delicious!
- 1x04 The Arrival

WALTER TO BROYLES: If you require my perspicacity such as it exists then there are certain fundamental requirments, not the least of which is access to my equipment, my lab!
- 1x04 The Arrival

WALTER TO PETER: Open you mind, son, or someone may open it for you.
- 1x04 The Arrival

WALTER TO ASTRID: Would you be a lamb and get me that syringe? (Astrid hands it to Walter and he promptly injects it into her neck to knock her out.)
- 1x04 The Arrival

WALTER: I haven't had a root beer float in seventeen years.
THE OBSERVER: And ... how is it?
WALTER: Heavenly. And earthly at the same time.
THE OBSERVER: Quite the connoisseur.
WALTER: Do you want some?
THE OBSERVER: No thank you. I wouldn't taste much anyway.
Seventeen years. That's a long time to go without something you love.
WALTER: Where I've been, you lose track of time. So much now to make up for.
- 1x04 The Arrival

WALTER TO PETER: Must you always be so small-minded? Dammit, don't be like her, like your mother. Questioning my judgement. I am not a child! I will not be babied.
- 1x04 The Arrival

WALTER TO ASTRID: What I did to you was very untrustworthy of me. I never intended to harm you. I was simply doing what was necessary to protect us all. If it would help you feel a sense of retribution, I would tell you to inject me too but ... I'd most likely enjoy it.
- 1x04 The Arrival

WALTER TO PETER: You must adjust the way you consider communications. Ideas. Ideas can be absorbed through osmosis, through proximity.
- 1x04 The Arrival

WALTER TO PETER: You cannot imagine what it's like for a man like me to not have access to parts of his mind.
- 1x05 Power Hungry

WALTER TO PETER: I'm sure it had something to do with the commies. It always did back then.
- 1x05 Power Hungry

After Walter does a little shuffle-dance across the floor, touches Peter on the head to give him a nice electrical shock, offers Olivia an explanation, he points to his feet and says, "Wool socks."
- 1x05 Power Hungry

WALTER TO OLIVIA: This is the sort of work I was born for.
- 1x05 Power Hungry

OLIVIA: You're not going to accidentally fry one of those pigeons?
WALTER: Stranger things have happened.
PETER: That's his motto.
- 1x05 Power Hungry

Where can I get one of those white suits?
- 1x06 The Cure

I once cured this one in a dream. Opium. Wonderful stuff. Of course, I forgot how I did it once I woke up.
- 1x06 The Cure

Oh, the third question... uhm, could I get some of this onion soup? It looks delicious.
- 1x06 The Cure

Hyacinth. My third favorite flower.
- 1x06 The Cure

WALTER: Or she had a proclivity for sexual bondage. A scientific observation, not a judgement. Some of my fondest memories ...
PETER: Walter stop! Wherever that's going is just wrong.
- 1x06 The Cure

To understand what happened at the diner, we'll use Mr. Papaya. This is upsetting, because he is the friendliest of fruits. And we have gooification.
- 1x06 The Cure

This demonstration is far more effective with live tissue. I have some expendable gerbils in the back. (OLIVIA: No!) It's no trouble. I'm sure you'd like it.
- 1x06 The Cure

Peter, if you're going out, could you bring me back some cotton candy? Blue! Not pink. I've had a craving. Must be the hyacinthes.
- 1x06 The Cure

WALTER: You have any gum?
PETER: No, Walter.
WALTER: Mints?
PETER: No. Later.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

WALTER TO BROYLES: Do you have any mints?
WALTER after seeing the parasite around the man's heart: This is spectacular.
PETER: "Spectacular." I'm sure he'd be just thrilled to hear your diagnosis.
OLIVIA: Do you know what that is? Your work or your old experiments. Does that look ...
WALTER: ... familiar? No. Couldn't be more aberrational. I'm simply admiring the design. At least partially organic. Most likely hybrid. Result of genetic manipulation. Symmetrical, its central body mass. If indeed it is an organism at all, it's designed, it seems to envelope the entire human heart. Look, look. A series of tendrils. A root system. Don't you see it? How beautiful this is?
PETER: Not so much. No.
OLIVIA: Can you help? Do you think you can remove it?
WALTER: Oh, I'd be willing to try. But not here. My breath is atrocious.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

WALTER: And two things occurred to me in the hospital. One, we could be dealing with something as simple as, uh, giardia duodenalis.
OLIVIA: As simple as that. Really?
PETER: It's a single-celled parasite that lives in the intestines of animals. Common waterborne illness.
WALTER: Could we attach Mr...
PETER: Loeb
WALTER: ... Loeb to the vitals machine, please?
OLIVIA: So you're saying that... that thing in his chest...
WALTER: Is a parasite? Yes. Yes, perhaps. But with an exceptional means of attachment. Typically, parasites use whole body insertion. This creature is unlike anything I've seen before so we won't be able to truly examine it until it's removed.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

PETER: Okay, he's wired. What was the other thing?
WALTER: Pardon?
PETER: You said that two things occurred to you. What's the other one?
WALTER: Oh. I would still REALLY like some gum ... or ... or some mints? (Peter is prepared and hands him some mints)
WALTER: Thank you, Peter.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

WALTER TO BROYLES: You know, I had a fruit cocktail once. In Atlantic city. Mind you, I'm not the fruit cockail sort of guy.
BROYLES TO WALTER: Excuse me.
BROYLES TO PETER: We need to discuss your father.
PETER: Is it the fruit cocktail thing again?
BROYLES: Mmm-hmm.
PETER: Yeah, he's been doing that recently. He gets obsessed about certain foods. It's weird.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

WALTER (ON ASTRID'S CELL PHONE): Uh, hello, Peter. This is me, your father, Walter Bishop.
PETER: Thank you, Walter. I know who you are.
WALTER: Excellent. Uhm, we need to talk to that man Smith right away. He may be our best chance to save Agent Loeb's life.
PETER: I know that, but he's dead. He was shot. We're out of luck.
WALTER: Does he still have his head? Is it still attached to his body?
PETER: Only you would ask that question seriously. Yes, he still has a head.
WALTER: Splendid. Then perhaps in this case, death is simply an inconvenience. Bring him in and hurry.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

WALTER: He's been shot in the head!
PETER: Is that a problem?
WALTER: Yes, that's a problem. Of course, it's a problem! A bullet in the head would normally indicate significant brain trauma.
PETER: Well, it would also indicate that he's dead. But you didn't seem to have a problem with that.
WALTER: This procedure's not like removing tonsils.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

WALTER: It's astonishing how this man's scalp resembles...
ASTRID: ...Peter's bare bottom when he was a baby.
WALTER: How did you know that?
ASTRID: You told us that already. Twice.
WALTER: Oh. What did I say next?
PETER: That we're gonna kick-start his brain.
WALTER: Ah, yes! Excellent.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

WALTER TO PETER: Eventually, we'll connect this to your head.
WALTER TO ASTRID: Okay, dear, we're ready. Turn it on. Try 200 microvolts.
WALTER TO PETER: Oh, look, Peter. He's talking to you. [light bulb explodes] I suppose it's a good thing it wasn't attached to your head.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

WALTER TO PETER: I think I know your problem. You think too much. Family curse. Your own brain function is interfering with the process. You need to be a passive receiver.
- 1x07 In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

WALTER: Peculiar flashing lights. Green green green red. Like Christmas lights.
BROYLES: How did you know that, Dr. Bishop?
WALTER: I don't know. But that's what happened isn't it?
BROYLES: Yes.
PETER: Think you might be able to jog your mind Walter? Could be kind of helpful.
WALTER: Christmas lights. That's all I can recall. Sorry.
- 1x08 The Equation

WALTER: (singing Deck the halls)
PETER: Hey, Walter! Don't you think it's a little early in the season for the yuletide cheer?
WALTER: I'm reciting Christmas carols in an attempt to jar loose some details from my subconscious, to ... to remember where I heard mention of the green and red lights. But sadly, it hasn't yet worked.
- 1x08 The Equation

WALTER: I have it! Christmas. Christmas. Leading to Christmas carols, one of which is "Jingle Bells", which leads naturally to "Dashing through the Snow", which, of course, inevitably leads one to dash.
ASTRID: To dash?
WALTER: Dashiell Kim. The man who mentioned the lights to me. I'm sure of it.
OLIVIA: Where is he, Walter? Can we talk to him?
WALTER: I guess that would depend on whether he has succeeded in killing himself or not.
PETER: What are you talking about walter? Who is this guy?
WALTER: A fellow inmate of mine at St. Claire's asylum.
- 1x08 The Equation

WALTER TO PETER & OLIVIA: I have noticed that you have a habit of referring to me as if I'm not in the room. Does anyone care what I think?
- 1x08 The Equation

WALTER TO PETER: I've ... I've failed. It was all for nothing. Dashiell went on and on like an incoherent loon ... about being taken to dungeons, red castles. Son, is that what it's like to talk to me?
- 1x08 The Equation

WALTER: It's a shame I don't have a lab, I'd like to examine him.
PETER: You do have a lab, Walter. Your lab at Harvard.
WALTER says with a smile: Yes, I do, don't I?
- 1x09 The Dreamscape

WALTER TO ASTRID: Peter, when he was thirteen, all he would eat was coffee yogurt. Almost drove his mother to tears.
PETER: Walter, that wasn't me. That was you.
WALTER: Oh.
PETER ANSWERING HIS CELLPHONE: Hello?
WALTER: If that's Agent Dunham, tell her to bring some coffee yogurt.
PETER TO PERSON ON THE CELLPHONE: Can you hold on for one second?
WALTER: He's right about the yogurt. In case you haven't noticed, I can be quite obsessive.
ASTRID says in mock surprise: Really?
- 1x09 The Dreamscape

WALTER TO OLIVIA: Miss Dunham, what we're doing here, what you have asked me to do, is pushing the boundaries of all that is real and possible. We're not roasting a turkey.
- 1x09 The Dreamscape

WALTER smiles slightly: Uh, oh.
OLIVIA: What?
WALTER: I just got an erection. Oh, fear not. It's nothing to do with your state of undress. I just simply need to urinate.
OLIVIA says sarcastically: That's good to know.
- 1x09 The Dreamscape

OLIVIA: Walter, what was the Bible for?
WALTER: Well, you're taking untested psychedelics, lying in saline with an electrical charge in the base of your cranium. Among other things, I thought it appropriate to pray you don't get electrocuted.
OLIVIA: Praise the Lord.
WALTER: Amen.
- 1x09 The Dreamscape

ASTRID reading from the bible: "Then I will sprinkle clean water upon you..."
WALTER finishes the verse from memory: "And ye shall be clean. And of all thy filthiness, and all thy idols, I will cleanse thee and a new spirit I will give to thee. And a new spirit I will put within thee."
ASTRID: Wow, nice. I didn't know you were so religious.
WALTER: I'm not. Not anymore.
- 1x09 The Dreamscape

WALTER: I need you to adjust the drugs.
PETER: Well, what did you give her this time?
WALTER: Drugs I'd rather be taking myself. Set the IV to ten drips per. Peter, please.
- 1x09 The Dreamscape

WALTER: There is little that makes me happier than taking drugs. Perhaps administering them, designing and carrying out experiments that bend the plane of what we consider reality. I'm rarely, if ever, opposed to such things except now. But I tell you, you'll damage yourself. Every time you go back in, the risk of permanent damage -- seizures, aneurysms, memory loss, death...
OLIVIA: But if I don't go back in, others may die.
WALTER: And if you do, the death could be your own. There are no guarantees that you will retrieve the memories you're looking for. And remember, there can be no interaction with him. You can't just ask.
OLIVIA: He did see me.
WALTER: No. No, that is not possible. Give me some time. I will try to develop a safer technique. But not tonight. You need to rest. Sleep well.
- 1x09 The Dreamscape